Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
