I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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