mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
