I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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