dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
