we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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