waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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