garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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