it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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