Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
