I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
