i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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