He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
