you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
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Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize