I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
