i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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