My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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