At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
