I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
