garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
