are you still at the devil's house?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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