The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just found puke in my bra..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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