Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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