Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
