I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize