I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
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