Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
