But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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