I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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