hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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