That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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