I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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