I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
