i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize