do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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