hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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