Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
