when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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