sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I died a long time ago.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
