I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
