My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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