You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
