Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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