Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
