then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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