ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
