He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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