Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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