it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
