And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
