im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
