she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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