My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
