So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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