I puked a lego.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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