she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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