Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
