he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
