Nicole vs. Life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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