Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
